I Can Slam Like LeBron

Okay ... This is a little bit off the beaten path, but I thought it was fun.

bb got a commercial audition that turned out to be for a promo spot for the National Basketball Association's All-Star Weekend.

The commercial was going to feature people of all ages and ethnicities doing slam poetry about the contestants in the Slam Dunk competition. There was a slam about Nate Robinson. A slam about Dwight Howard. So on and so forth...

We thought it would be fun for her to come in and bust out an original slam (something, it turned out, that the predominantly pro slammer casting call was probably more than prepared to do as well). But, you know, show off her knowledge of the game and whatnot.

Well, show off my knowledge of the game, at least...

But, as a Cleveland Cavaliers fan, what am I supposed to do: write about Larry Nance? No, no, no...

There's a lot of hand-wringing around this time every year as the NBA - sometimes specific players - try to get LeBron James to compete in the Slam Dunk competition. And he hasn't yet. The idea is: if he wins, it's what everyone expected. If he loses, then it's a huge shame. Plus, he's said he hasn't wanted to risk getting hurt and on and on...

So, without further ado ... my little ode ... apologies to slam poets everywhere:


Oh, yes, yes, yes
I've seen you, Mr. MVP
Ever since Akron St. Vincent St. Mary
And I've seen you flash those thrills
Like diamonds from your treasure chest of skills
I've seen the chase-down blocks
The 25-straight that rocked
Auburn Hills, Michigan
The playoff stuff on Garnett, that cock
And the game winners with no time left on the clock
You're swilling the wine out of Jordan's holy grail-
Know there's no "I" in "team"
And no "me" in "fail"
I'm wit you - witnessing a player who can do anything.
And I've seen you do everything, right?
Well... not ... everything ... hell
It's 2010 now (does that year ring a bell?)
All-Star Weekend's coming up and I'm sure you'll be there
Don't listen to all those sayer saying "nay," that you're scared
We don't want just the same ol' names in repetition
Come on, LeBron, join up for the Slam Dunk competition!


Thanks, and good night...